I am

I hold the longest-held silence ever ...

Now

That makes my guiness record

The first ever ...

---

I am in a state of unrest

I attract unrest ...

I desist mindless materialism,

I am mired by obsessed marketing,

I am worn down by the fear in the other ...

I react noticeably and become bland

to myself ...

I give to silence and the raking clay

settles down

To a new order ...

---

I hold my reins against those bad ol' critical ways

I am critical, yet I now neither react nor share my 'critical' ways ...

For I love being a hard nut to crack ...

That makes surprises pleasant ...

I now see a flow, a new sense of direction ...

I give up on other hard ol' painful ways

For I acknowledge pain ...

I now neither react nor share my 'pain' ...

nor do I see the point in the other taking the share ...

I take a 'safe' happy distance ...

I see the universe aid my non-reactivity ...

I feel numbed by my own expectations

For I do know now,

of neither being reactive nor sharing is the best way

of being,

I now become passive and placid and peaceful ...

I see joy in being open and positive ...

I see my service to me ...

I see my smile back ...

---

So, as I make peace now

With the bland present

That made my past happy

For I do know that is all but my mind's trick

So, let be ...

So, let be, my efforts

get harder at my pace ...

So, let be, my efforts

get better with all I truly desire ...

---

I seek nature and brilliance,

I am thirsty of truth and cognizance,

I seek to hear, listen and share,

I seek to laugh and connect,

For this is all I know me to be,

(yet) Deep within,

I am scared to reach out,

So, let be ...

I still am building hopes ...

---

I am ...